Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
