You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize
