She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
