Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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