someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
