i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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