I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
