I swear god or herbie drove my car home
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
