You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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