I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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