I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
