if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
