what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
