Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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