Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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