Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize