so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
