literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
