Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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