i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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