Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's always time for handjobs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
