my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
