nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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