Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
