some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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