remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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