How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
