Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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