To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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