Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
