you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
