when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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