dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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