i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
