So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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