sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize