ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
