I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
