I didn't shave. On purpose
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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