I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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