We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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