You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
