Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
