so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
