Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
