That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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