The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
