who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
