Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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