Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
