I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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