Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
