I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
