saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize