...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
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