my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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