There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
