how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
