just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
