bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize