see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
