I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
