ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
