1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
