"it" just moved
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
