New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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