Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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